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Oleńka odc. 10/20

– Ola, mama zaprasza cię na obiad, wpadniesz? – Reni krzyknęła od drzwi. Wchodząc do mieszkania, pokoju, kuchni z przyzwyczajenia już zerkała, czy jest sprzątnięte. Kiedy było źle poznawała to po kupce ubrań na podłodze, nie wyrzuconych śmieciach, górze naczyń w zlewie. Po śmierci rodziców Ola miesiącami nie sprzątała, leżała i spała. Renata wtedy po raz pierwszy widziała człowieka zdrowego fizycznie, który nie jest w stanie wstać z łóżka. Kiedy Ola wstawała musiała się trzymać krzeseł, stołu, opierać o ściany. Każdy ruch to był ból, tak mówiła. Męczyły ją też zawroty głowy. To był straszny czas też dla niej, Renaty. Miała wrażenie, że w tym mieszkaniu nie ma powietrza, a towarzyszenie przyjaciółce w żałobie powodowało silne zmęczenie. Zupełnie jakby Ola w swojej bezsile wyciągała z niej energię. Teraz od dawna Ola dba o czystość, ale przyzwyczajenie Reni zostało.

I właśnie dzisiaj zauważyła ubrania wciśnięte w kąt, plamy na podłodze w kuchni, brudne miski kota.

– Kiedy wróciłaś? – spytała badawczo.

– Wiem, bałagan. Nie martw się, zajmę się tym.

– A wczoraj już byłaś w domu?

Ola westchnęła. Reni nie odpuszczała. Kiedyś by nawet tego nie zauważyła, teraz poczuła, że ją to drażni.

– Przyjechałam późnym popołudniem. Reni możesz luzować. Daję radę.

– Oki – uśmiechnęła się – to wejdziesz do nas.

– A wiesz, że z radością. Nic jeszcze nie gotowałam.

– To za godzinkę. Tylko muszę cię uprzedzić, Orik jest bardzo słaby – dopiero teraz Ola dostrzegła, że przyjaciółka jest smutna.

– To znaczy …?

– Chyba tak.

 

Zadzwonił telefon. Patrzyła na niego i poczuła, że ma go dosyć. Stary, czarny, porysowany ekran. Właściwie to dlaczego go jeszcze trzymała, po co? Dzwonił, na wyświetlaczu Robert:

– Hej!

– Hejka, co u ciebie?

– Dziękuję.

– A coś taki słaby głos masz …

– Wolałabym o tym nie gadać, przepraszam.

– Jakbyś chciała to zawsze jestem – wyczuła uśmiech w jego głosie. Czasem zastanawiała się, co on od niej chce, poza jej pracą.

– Jakieś zamówienie?

– No tak, po to dzwonię – jakby sobie przypomniał – idziemy na osiemdziesiątkę do babci. Chcemy taką ozdobę z kwiatów w narożnik w pokoju, jest ciemny, więc dobrze by było z jakiś jasnych.

– Sztucznych?

– No tak. To trochę głupio, że ze sztucznych, ale babcia tak chciała. Mam zdjęcia i wymiary.

– A możesz przesłać mailem?

– Jasne, tylko jutro, oki?

– Dobrze … czekaj, o coś chciałam spytać … a już wiem – zaśmiała się – ile mam czasu?

– Miesiąc.

– O świetnie, to dużo. To czekam na zdjęcia, w ciągu tygodnia zrobię wycenę. Zadzwonię.

– Ola, poczekaj …

– Tak – poczuła jak się najeża, gdyby miała włosy na kręgosłupie na pewno teraz stanęły by dęba. Zapadła krępująca cisza.

– Chyba nic … Po prostu, dbaj o siebie …

– Zadzwonię, miłego dnia – rozłączyła się.

Nie zauważyła, kiedy usiadła jej na ramieniu, jak zwykle ciepła, pachniała kamieniem.

– Opowiesz coś o nim?

– Po co? Chyba wszystko wiesz – odcięła się ze złością.

– Wiem, tylko tyle, że mu się podobasz. Chciałby być z Tobą bliżej.

– Ale ja nie chcę.

– Jest ktoś z kim byś chciała?

Pomyślała o Mateuszu, miała do niego słabość, taką tkliwość, czułość, gdy wypowiadała to imię, ale ich czas minął.

– On jest tylko przyjacielem.

– To prawda – zielona kobieta uśmiechnęła się, delikatnie przesunęła dłonią po jej włosach – waszego czasu nigdy nie było.

– Może rzeczywiście – Ola przywykła już, że przed nią nie ma tajemnic, że odnosi się do jej myśli, nawet tych najskrytszych.

– A Robert? Jest przystojny, ładny i zauroczony.

– Nie widziałaś go, skąd wiesz?

– Widzę twoimi oczami.

– No tak już nic mnie nie zdziwi – zaśmiała się z rezygnacją – to powiedz mi wiedźmo, czarownico czy kim tam sobie jesteś, czy jest czas dla mnie i Roberta?

– Nie – jej oczy znów przyciemniały by za chwilę przejść w pomarańczowy.

– To po co zaczynasz taki temat? – spytała zdziwiona.

– Bo już czas.

 

Renata obudziła się wcześnie, otworzyła oczy i już wiedziała. W domu było bardzo cicho i pusto. Rodzice jeszcze spali, zwierzaki wszystkie zniknęły z jej pokoju.

Orfeusz odszedł. Nie wiedziała kiedy, na pewno w nocy. Wstawała jeszcze do niego, ale on nie reagował, oddychał. Delikatnie posmyrała go za uchem. Zawsze to lubił. Posiedziała przy nim. A potem się położyła.

Rano już go nie było. Odszedł w spokoju.

Ola przybiegła po jej telefonie. Pomogła jej zawinąć go w prześcieradło. Przeniosły go do samochodu i pojechały do jego sadu. Od dłuższego czasu było już ciepło i ziemia odtajała. Kopały saperką na zmianę. Dół musiał być głęboki i szeroki. Ori to duży pies. Zsunęły jego ciało i jeszcze chwilę stały, Renata wpatrując się w dół, Ola w drzewa, które, jak zauważyła, miały już całkiem duże liście.

– Ola, zasypujemy. Nie mogę patrzeć na to prześcieradło. Przecież to nie on. On jest w domu.

Zakopały i odeszły.

Ola zabrała Renatę do siebie, zaparzyła jej herbatę z kardamonem:

– Chcesz coś zjeść?

– Chcę spać.

– Chodź – Ola wzięła koc i przykryła Renatę, gdy leżała na kanapie. Chwilę później zasnęła.

 

– Dzień Dobry – uśmiechnął się – co u ciebie?

Teraz często ją o to pytał. Czuł, że nie chce już tracić czegoś sprzed oczu. Ona była dla niego ważna, nie jako kobieta, ale jako człowiek, przyjaciółka. Nie myślał, że w jego życiu to jest możliwe, by mieć przyjaciółkę, ponieważ zawsze bliższe relacje z kobietami przechodziły w związek lub seks. A teraz ona była tu, siedziała przed nim, piękna, delikatna i ze swoją historią, przez którą ją doceniał, podziwiał. Już nie myślał o swojej dłoni między jej udami, jak bywało z innymi kobietami. Widział ją jako kobietę, równą sobie, partnera, przy którym nie musi się bać, nie musi się kontrolować, przy którym ma pewność, że nic nie zagraża jego małżeństwu. I poczuł to, gdy trzymał ją w ramionach, mocno przytulał, tam pod lasem, przy drodze. Gdy mógł wszystko i jednocześnie tego nie chciał. Mógł  jej dać więcej – przyjaźń, spokój, oparcie, bezpieczeństwo. Obiecał sobie wtedy, być przy niej, tak długo, jak ona na to pozwoli.

– Dzięki.

– Kawę, herbatę?

Podniosła na niego oczy:

– Chyba się zagalopowałeś – rozbawiona skarciła go – ja tu jestem od tego.

Wstała:

– Kawy? Herbaty?

– Nie wygłupiaj się, jesteśmy teamem.

– Myślałam, że ty jesteś dyrektorem, a ja asystentką.

– Na drzwiach tak napisali – puścił do niej oko – przy tobie nie czuję się dyrektorem, przy tobie jestem człowiekiem. Chociaż faktycznie mamy swoje zadania do zrobienia – chrząknął.

– Więc, co dzisiaj?

– Nie zaczynamy od więc – mówili jednocześnie i śmiali się równie głośno.

– Zaczynamy od kawy – powiedziała – program dnia masz na biurku.

 

– Jak się masz? – wsunęła głowę przez drzwi jej pokoju. Mama Renaty wpuściła ją do domu.

– Jakoś nie bardzo – podciągnęła nogi pod nos oparta o ścianę – nie mogę się pozbierać.

– Widzę – usiadła koło niej.

– On był wyjątkowy, wiesz?

– Wiem.

– I przecież mieliśmy, i mamy, tyle psów, zwierzaków … I nagle on … No nie wiem co się
stało … No, po prostu, stał się najważniejszy. Głupie, nie?

– Nie, Reni, nie głupie … Pokochałaś go, tak się czasem zdarza – dotknęła jej włosów, lekko je mierzwiła – tak bywa.

Milczały, Reni oparła głowę na ramieniu przyjaciółki.

– Pozbierasz się, zobaczysz, wszystko się ułoży.

– A ty pozbierasz się? – Reni podniosła głowę i spojrzała w oczy Oli.

– Chyba zaczynam to ruszać.

– Ola, przepraszam, nie pomogę ci – westchnęła.

– Ja muszę sama, Reni sama, rozumiesz?

– Tak.

– Ty dla mnie zrobiłaś wszystko, więcej nie możesz. Dzięki – uśmiechnęła się do niej – teraz czas na mnie.

– Nie wychodź jeszcze.

– Nie to miałam na myśli – objęła przyjaciółkę mierzwiąc jej włosy.

 

Stała przed drzwiami pokoju rodziców, zawsze zamkniętymi, otwieranymi tylko na chwilę, by wejść i wyjść. Podniosła dłoń i położyła ją na klamce. W tej samej chwili poczuła ciepłą, maleńką dłoń na swojej łydce i głos w jej sercu: „Odwagi, dasz radę”. Wiedziała po co tam wchodzi: by zmienić coś bezpowrotnie.

Nacisnęła klamkę. Otworzyła drzwi. Po raz ostatni widzi ten pokój, jakim jest w tej chwili. Nigdy już takim nie będzie. Rozejrzała się i zobaczyła go inaczej. Ciemna smuga nad kaloryferem, w rogach przyciemniony sufit i jakaś nieodgadniona szarość, zaduch. Sprzątała tu dość regularnie, nigdy jednak za łóżkiem, za szafą, komodą. Dopiero teraz zobaczyła cienką warstwę brudu na meblach, których nie doczyszczała, bo ścierała tylko kurz.

Wierzyła, że ich energia jest w tych meblach, w przedmiotach, w ubraniach wiszących w szafie.

Szafa. Podeszła do niej ostrożnie. Otworzyła drzwiczki, jedne, drugie. Przed sobą miała ich ubrania. I czuła jeszcze zapach – czy mamy, czy taty – sama nie wiedziała. Wyjęła pierwszy wieszak. Zielona, butelkowa sukienka mamy, codzienna, ciepła, „na chłodne dni jesieni idealna” – tak o niej mówiła. Przyciągnęła ją do twarzy, przymknęła oczy, wciągnęła zapach. Kiedy je otworzyła, zobaczyła zieloną kobietę śpiącą w swojej ulubionej pozycji na łóżku rodziców. Uśmiechnęła się. Zdjęła sukienkę z wieszaka, złożyła i położyła na łóżku. Wieszak odwiesiła do szafy. Z drugiej strony drążka wisiał garnitur. Tata lubił go nosić na uroczystości rodzinne, był w nim na wielu zdjęciach. Brązowy w delikatne, prawie niewidoczne prążki. Pasował do jego szronkowych włosów. Zdjęła go z wieszaka, chwilę przytulała do siebie, by go złożyć i położyć na łóżku.

Wyjmowała każdą rzecz, zdejmowała z wieszaka, składała i kładła na łóżku. Robiła to powoli, jakby w zwolnionym tempie. Po dwóch godzinach na łóżku leżały wszystkie ich ubrania złożone w kostkę oraz Ruda zwinięta wokół zielonej kobiety, tak, że prawie nie było jej widać.

Ola za szafy wyjęła dwa największe pudła. Mama trzymała ich wiele, by móc pakować ozdoby zrobione dla klientów lub przyjaciół. Rozłożyła je, posklejała taśmą, do jednego z nich włożyła ubrania mamy do drugiego taty. Na pierwszym nakleiła kartkę: „Ubrania damskie, rozmiar 42”, na drugim: „Ubrania męskie, rozmiar 54”. Zakleiła pudła.

Wyniosła je po kolei, były zbyt duże, żeby wziąć dwa na raz. Postawiła przy ławce, niedaleko klatki schodowej. Był wieczór.

Kiedy wróciła, w drzwiach stała zielona kobieta.

– Co ty tu robisz? Jeszcze ktoś cię zobaczy! – chwyciła ją w pasie i głośno zamknęła drzwi. Już się śmiała, coraz głośniej i głośniej, kobieta z nią. Postawiła ją na podłodze, a ta jednym susem wskoczyła jej na ramię.

– Naprawdę, nigdy nie wiem, jak ty to robisz.

– Skaczę i już – jeszcze się śmiała, by za chwilę zmienić ton na łagodny – wiesz, jestem z ciebie dumna.

– Wiem – westchnęła, spojrzała w jej roziskrzone żółto-pomarańczowe oczy –  Jakoś tak mi inaczej …

– Lżej?

– Może …

 

Nota prawna : Informuję, iż jestem autorką wszystkich tekstów zawartych na  stronie internetowej www.ewaczernik.pl. Informuję również, że potwierdzenie mojego autorstwa zostało zabezpieczone prawnie. Proszę zatem, abyś przestrzegał praw, jakie mi przysługują. Jako autorka nie zezwalam na jakiekolwiek wykorzystywanie całości lub fragmentów tekstów zawartych na niniejszej stronie internetowej bez mojej zgody lub w sposób naruszający moje prawa chronione prawem autorskim. W szczególności nie zezwalam na kopiowanie, wydawanie, utrwalanie, zwielokrotnianie, jakikolwiek obrót, publikowanie w internecie i publiczne odtwarzanie treści zawartych na stronie internetowej. Jeśli chcesz wykorzystać mój utwór – skontaktuj się ze mną.

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